Five

The newest and hippest restaurant in the Uptown area has got to be Five. Chef Stewart Woodman, formerly of Levain has taken over the former fifth precinct building on 29th and Bryant. It's been a pretty big deal in the papers. Pioneer Press, Star Tribune and City Pages have written excited, drooly articles about this place.
Me? Well... Eh? It's okay. Firstly, taking a note from all hipper than thou restaurants, it's kinda hard to find. Just aim for the Valet kid and hopefully, some rather wealthy ladies of a certain age (older than me and rather bejewled) will open the door just before you get there, as happened to me. You enter the bar which is really nice. It's architecture is reminiscent of this great new bar in Duluth called Red Star, but that's another story. Tall booths line one wall, interesting art, great lighting and pretty comfy bar stools. I hear the upstairs is gorgeous, but I didn't make it. The bathrooms are supposed to be a conversation piece. The ladies is nice, really cool cooper colored tiles.
I never did have any food, because the people who were supposed to join me for dinner never showed. I was starving, but the only little nosh offerings were chicken liver (I am not that cool,) duck (I just haven't learned to love that yet) or cheese for $11, which would have been lovely if anyone was going to going me, but an $11 cheese plate just for me seemed embarrassing.
I had a glass of wine that I'm sure was chosen because it's called "Five," a bland Zinfandel. I followed this up with a glass of the Pinot Noir that they offer by the glass. Eh... I didn't know any of the vineyards, white or red, so I was kind of stuck. The Five wine was better than the Pinot, so I had another unimpressive glass of that. There were a lot of martini and cocktail offerings, but they were all just a little too much. Too much booze or too much sweet, which is nothing good on an empty stomach.
I called it quits at 8. I couldn't stand it anymore, I was starving. I raced home and ordered one of my favorite lazy meals: a Simple Chicken Philly from McCaffery's Deli on Lyndale, just down from the Falafal King (next to the Country Bar.) Peppery, juicy chicken, gooey cheese, chewy sub roll delivered hot and fast (just like I like my men!) And it's all only five dollars and some change. Plus, no minimum delivery amount. I've been meaning to go down there and hug the wonderful staff. They are always there for me.
Maybe Five is as great as everyone expects it to be. I didn't eat anything, so it's not like I should judge. But I guess I just thought I'd be caught up, enamored with some dazzling Oz of a dining experience. All I've got is... Eh.