Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Fresh From Your Grocer's Freezer Isle!

Bulldog NE - we need to talk.

Okay, I know that things have settled into a nice pattern of business for you. The kids are pouring in on Fridays and Saturdays and you're getting a decent happy hour business from nearby workers. Maybe it's not necessary to try to tinker with good ol' bar food any more. I know that the original menu seemed to push the idea that straight up burgers and fries could be brought to new heights by tweaking ingredients and playing with expectations. And, boy, that was fun wasn't it?

But now, that crazy mustard spouting chef that started it all has been gone for a while and the new hot spot shine has worn to a comfortable glow. Why not just sit back and bask in the consistent business? I understand - innovation is hard work. You're exhausted. Here, have a seat. I get it, I feel you, but I need you to hear something.

When I order the black bean burger, I do not think that it's acceptable to give me Morning Star Farms® Spicy Black Bean Burger with a Sriracha mayo, a handful of sprouts and a mealy pink tomato. Why I expected that the vegetarian burger would be house made, I don't know. What says dining experience better than being served something that could be microwaved at home in under two minutes? Worse, I get the truffled tots which arrive with no truffle oil. So, basically I just got a meal that I could have made at home for about $1.95 and am being charged $10 plus tax and tip? Don't you think that's just a wee bit lazy, Dog? Yet, somehow, I can't entirely blame you because I'm the idiot that's still coming here after numerous mediocre visits.

And while I've got you here, that bacon you're putting on top of those burgers? Yeah, don't. No. Seriously, bacon should never taste like someone accidentally dumped an entire bottle of liquid smoke over it. I love bacon - bacon is love and you've ruined it for me! That's why I didn't order the usual Junk burger in the first place. That bacon tastes like plant processed burnt leather!

So, I'm gonna give it straight to you. Either get a real chef back into that kitchen or drop the act that this is a real restaurant anymore. It's a bar that serves bar food. Haul out the Heggie's pizzas and call it a day.


At 8:32 AM , Anonymous Peggy said...

Have you ever had the fish & chips? I do not know what is in the sauce that comes with it, but it sure ain't tartar sauce. It's the most horrific thing I have ever tasted. I was too shy to send the whole thing back, so I went home hungry. I have avoided the joint ever since.


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