Auirga over Azia

(That's funnier if you know that Auriga is also the name of a constellation and Azia is pronounced Asia, although I said AhZah for years. Get it? It's like a Moon over my Hammy.)

I swear, Auriga's happy hour is just the best in town if you want to go highbrow without dropping a ton of cash. After a particularly harrowing day of getting ripped off, just one more time by those pilferers that took my purse, I needed to feel a little pampered. I needed a treat. Or at least to be treated like a human being again.
My darling friend Laura, selflessly agreed to forgo her earlier plans for the evening and accompany me to happy hour. Their drink specials are half off on all well drinks, cheap tap beer and a $3 glass of a red or a white wine. I ordered the red, an interesting blend of Temperanillo and Cabernet. They served it in one of those lovely big, bordeaux glasses. Although, with my first sip, I nearly gulped it down through my eyeball, as my aim was thrown off by their enormity.
During their happy hour (5p.m. - 7 p.m.) all of their gourmet pizzas are half off. Last night we ordered smoked chicken, with purnes that were the texture of fig paste and a smattering of a really mild blue cheese. It was delicious. Laura was eating hers at a very leisurely pace, while it was all I could do not to hork it down.
The bar started to fill up and we decided it was time to go somewhere else. After much discussion and debate, we decided on the Caterpiller bar that's attached to Azia. Laura and I remembered getting really good chicken wings there once. Playing on the two flat screen TV's in the bar was some bizarro PBS special Madame Butterfly DVD. It was really odd to see fat, white people dressed up in kimonos and white face paint. Fortified by my three glasses of red wine at Auriga, I soldiered on. I ordered my usual, a Mt. Gay and diet coke with a lime. There was something off about the Diet Coke. Not so great. As we were pouring over the menu my friend Eric joined us. He had recently escaped from a work sponsored happy hour and quickly ordered a Campari and soda, his latest drink of choice. It's very... pink. And... bubbly. And that's about all I have to say about that.
Laura, fiend that she is, ordered a martini.
For food we decided on the Ping Pang Pow wings, which come in four flavors. We decided on oyster wings. I was tempted to just order a little oyster on the half shell but they offer about a dozen varieties. How are you supposed to know what's fresh? They couldn't all possibly have been flown in that day, so I decided to skip it. We also ordered crispy springrolls filled with avacado. Those came with some kind of bengin dipping sauce. I really couldn't quite taste what that was for, but the texture combination of the silky avacado and crunchy, fried wrappers was wonderful. I grabbed a wing and sunk my teeth in. I had to tilt my head back and frantically suck in air in a vain attempt to cool them down. They were wonderful. Salty, dark and carmel colored with a hint of spice. Delicious. I swallowed and took another bite. That's when it hit me like a rouge wave on a fishing boat in the arctic cirlce. Ahhhh choo!!! OW! ....ow!!! owowowowowow!
I had done the unimaginable. I had sneezed a wedge of crispy, spicy, salty chicken skin up my nose and into my sinues. OW. And WOW is that a weird feeling. I was never one of those kids who either stuck crayons up my nasal cavidy nor laughed so hard that milk squirted out of my nose. No. This was a new sensation. Dare I say, never felt before, this side of the Jim Rose circus. Good freaking GOD! I was able to dislodge the offending food and take another sip of my beverage. But, I have to say, that pretty much killed the rest of the experience. I didn't another wing (although, they were quite tasty, and I'd reccommend them to any one who doesn't have allergies.) It was just that I could taste them when I inhaled. That's weird.

Things That Don't Suck

My taster's still off. I'm eating and enjoying a wide range of odd things, but mostly they're home cooked items resembling items my mom used to make for me when I was a picky little eater (Mexican pizza: hamburger meat on a fried tortilla topped with cheddar cheese. Oh, how far we have fallen.) Well, it's either been that or Dan Dan Noodles from Little Szechuan by the boatload. I could eat an order of these with every meal and die a happy woman.

So, how 'bout you guys? Everybody make it through the holidays? Any bruised foreheads from misplaced fruitcakes or noisemaker induced hearing loss?
It seems like everyone around me is back at work, back to the salt mines and trapped under oppressive mid-winter blues. I'm so beyond my assault threats on Jim Kramer that I'm now just firing spitballs at the TV. Blah weather, work and money woes.

I'm going to try to take a cue from my mother, Minnesota's resident Miss Mary Sunshine and see if I can't spin some good out of things going on around me, rather than sulk that I don't have the money to go out and eat and even if I did - my palate is not currently to be trusted.

Instead of resolutions, I give you my list of things that don't suck right now.

1.) Bacon - nuff said. The St. Paul Farmer's Market is still going strong during these blustery months. Do yourself a favor and drag yourself down there some Saturday morning. The Bar 5 Farms bacon is heaven. There's also a new indoor space across the street. There awaits you warm coffee and giant Cinnamon rolls, which definitely do not suck.

2.) The Winter Carnival is coming. Granted - I almost never go. Last year Matt dragged me and I tried tater tot hotdish for the first time. It was actually kinda good! Plus, inevitably, it's almost always the warmest week in January because the snow sculptures always seem to melt before I get to see them.

3.) Chilly weather means that I can put the garbage out in our mudroom and wait until Matt gets back from Spam country to take it all the way to the garbage can by the garage. Garbage doesn't rot when it's frozen!

4.) Erbert & Gerbert's delivery. Although they've proven to be much less than "freakishly fast," they are quite tasty and eventually deliver to my place of business in downtown Minneapolis. They've got this all veggie sandwich that has avocado, provolone cheese and a healthy slathering of Hellman's mayo. God bless the fat packed veggie option.

5.) Birthdays. Laura's is this Saturday and she rocks. Plus - this gives me something to do! I might even be forced to stay up past 9pm. Better yet - she's having a few friends gather at the home of the original Ping Pang OW! wings. I'll be sure to take pictures.

6.) I can legitimately rock my stretch pants and no one can say anything because I'm pregnant and pregnant ladies get to wear giant stretchy pants! I am rotund! Gawk at my jiggly behind! I am creator of LIFE! Mwa ha ha ha!! Included in this are other pregnancy related things such as - no one says, "You're going back to the buffet line again?" or "Doritos for breakfast? Really?" Yes, really. And while you're at it - where is the prime rib? Yorkshire pudding? I'm HUNGRY over here!

7.) Meritage in downtown St. Paul. I was lucky enough that while dining there on my birthday a photographer from one of the local papers was taking pictures for their Year in Food issue. Guess who got - for FREE - the dishes that he'd photographed? That's right. Me. I shared with Matt, but mostly it was me. I ended up having four entrees for the price of one that night. The servers were a dream and the food was heavenly. It's a fantastic spot for a romantic date night. You should go.

8.) A perfectly fried egg. I take mine over easy. It's even better if you'll listen to me and go to that Farmer's Market - get some local just gathered eggs. It's so simple. Just a little pat of butter, cracked open egg, flipped and dusted with salt and pepper. I like to have mine over a piece of lightly toasted bread. When the knife pierces the milky white exterior and the golden yolk bubbles forth, spilling onto the crispy toast creating that first sodden bite of creamy heaven, that is true beauty my friends.

9.) Morrelli's Market. While I may be stuck on Dry Island for a while longer, I know it won't be forever. The wine and booze prices they have are insanely cheap. Want to know my favorite way to deal with a bad economy? Relief is spelled H-e-n-d-r-i-c-k's. Chilled martini glass, Hendrick's ever so light juniper lilt garnished with a slice of cucumber or a sliver-thin twist of lime. Enjoy. Or, if you're wagon bound like me - grab some food! I don't know what the deal is with this place, but it's one of the very few - if not only places in Minnesota where you can find a deli and a liquor store sharing a space. Last weekend we tried two of their house made frozen pizzas. For the price of a Tombstone we got a thin crust covered in their Italian spiced tomato sauce and real mozzarella cheese. The oven was coated in the fried gooey tendrils that had escaped during the cooking process. Before our movie was over both were gone. I can tell you the sausage and pepperoni was good, but the basic cheese just sang. (So did I. This all went down while watching Hamlet 2. High brow evening. Rock Me Sexy Jesus got stuck in my head. I rationalized that the baby books do say you should sing to your baby in utero.)

10.) My husband. I know - it's not exactly food related or a cohesive ending to a rambling top 10 list, but I gotta say it. The man rocks hardcore. He's been the retriever of weird food requests and the builder of awesome fudge sundaes. He's the cheese to my macaroni.

I hope you guys all have some bits of happiness to hold on to right now. I know it can't all be as bad as it seems, right? It's not like there's a looming alien ship over all our major cities. (Or minor cities - Oh no! Not McGregor!!) We're gonna make it out of this. Spring will come soon enough and with it flowers, sunshine, a better outlook on all things money related. Plus, I'll be able to drink again!